I would Rather be Asleep

 

Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.

– Aldous Huxley

In times of crisis your body goes into a fight or flight mode. I wasn't sure what was happening in mine but I could see how the stress and worry had affected my digestion and my head. I could see how a prolonged war could make me fall apart if I didn't learn to manage my thoughts and limit my intake of harmful information. No matter how many times my dad had asked me to not watch the news, I was still watching. I couldn’t stop. This used to be my home. Where I was born. Where I grew up. Where I learned if the world is a place to be trusted. I had to understand what was happening in the world. I kept reading and watching as if by doing that I could somehow solve the problem.

My colleague has a technique of bringing the kids who are having a conflict together. Asking them to physically come close first and bring their hands together where their fingers could almost touch. Hands together! We have a problem. Amazingly, most of the time, it worked. Even though the kids were screaming, pushing, pinching or hitting each other a second before, they would trust that now that the teacher is here we can get close. She will help. She is to be trusted. She wants to resolve our problem. She is here to teach us. They would come together and each tell the teacher and each other what had happened, how they felt about it and what they think can solve the problem. Simple as that.

But why can’t the world do this? Did they not have caring adults and teachers when they were growing up? They did not know this technique? Is there no one to come and bring the countries together? Are they profiting more from hurting each other rather than solving their conflicts? Can evil be run out without mass destruction of other people, animals and the environment? Haven’t we tried peacefully only to be run over and slaughtered? Have we exhausted the hands in the middle option?

“I would rather be asleep these days than awake”, I told one of my colleagues when she asked me how I was doing. I told her it’s the first time in my life that my dreams are more comforting and closer to reality than reality itself. Things feel upside down.

I decided to give myself one day. I decided to stay away from the news, social media and basically my phone for a day. I felt it was necessary to recenter myself. I am physically on the other side of the world. Away from physical harm but my mind is tangled across the ocean. So all I have to do is focus on here. I can just wake up and pretend that there is no war. We can just go play music at the market, have lunch, get groceries, do the laundry and pretend like this is a beautiful, normal, hot spring day.